Come share my world, closer to home.....

Henna shared it with me, I absolutely loved it, so me thought, its been a while since we laughed together, so there you go.......

Once upon a time, a man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted. "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied. "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 50 and 51 degrees north latitude and between 114 and 115 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an Engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make use of your information. The fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be a MANAGER."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "

You don't know where you are or where you're going.

You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.

You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep,

and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.

The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met,

but now, somehow, you've managed to make it my fault!!"

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

I had a wonderful trip to Sydney, had a great time sightseeing, shopping and meeting family (naushad's sister is in Sydney) although there was still lot left unexplored - short with time, but hey I am not being a thankless soul - we are all back happy and relaxed!! Thanks for all your wishes!!!

Heres something funny to tickle your bone

If the Titanic was made in India
1. There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.
2. There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white dress, singing in the rain.
3. By the end of the movie hero would find his long lost mom, dad, sister, brother.
4. It would be a seven-and-half-hour movie with three intervals
5. The movie would be called "Pyaar Kiya To Marna Kya".
6. The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive. The villain will drown in the first drops of water.
7. The iceberg was sent by the heroine's father to teach a lesson to the hero.
8. None of the people would float for long because of the saris.
9. The orchestra would play Jai Santoshi Maa and ring Gantees, and a ray of light would come and transport the musicians to another ship.
10.And can you imagine how many times we would hear "BACHAOOOO!!!"?

 

Been a little while since we last had some funny

 

There you go - Laughter all the way.................

 

"Signs Found in the Kitchen"

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!

Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

 

I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.

 

If you write in the dust, please don't date it!

 

I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!

 

My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

 

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

 

If you don't like my standards of cooking ...lower your standards.

 

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse.

 

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

 

My next house will have no kitchen ... just vending machines.

 

Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

---

Very cute letters............... These are actual letters that kids have written to God.

Too cute to miss.....

 

These famous people didn't
Check out the result..................

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the World, I
can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all
those flies and death and stuff.
-- Mariah Carey, pop singer

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.-- Miss
-- Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe Contest.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also discovered
other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
-- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- Da
vid Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed
to pay his taxes.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your
life.
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal
anti-smoking campaign.

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them
unsafe.
-- Frank Rizzo, Ex-police Chief and Mayor of Philadelphia

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of Principal, the
school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
---------------------------

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass.